Sunday, April 24, 2011

Politically Retarded


I saw a news item the other day in which some idiot claimed it was "politically correct" to refer to Easter Eggs as "Spring spheres". Naturally, I was abhored at how assinine someone had to be to demonize chicken eggs delivered by a bunny rabbit, but also a bit pleasantly surprised and shocked that such a thing had made news. Had someone finally had enough of this ridiculousness? Was a major news organization going to take off its Radical blinders and report on the mass-murder of common sense?

The newspeople did have a protest, much to my delight, but when I found out what it was, I was appalled. To my intense disappointment, the newspeople were NOT protesting the fact that "political correctness" has gone too far, nor that its purpose is to deceive the masses. No, they were protesting something much more mundane.

The factual error of calling an egg a sphere.

A sphere is a perfectly round object, like a ball. Basketball, baseball, tennis ball, ping pong ball, even the Earth itself is more or less a sphere. An egg, however, is a spheroid. Those three letters make a big difference.

And that's all they cared about: mislabeling a spheroid as a sphere. Not that someone was mislabeling Easter as a mere "Spring Celebration", and certainly not that there are so many people with nothing better to do than invent ridiculous, even obscene language conventions so as to deny all Humans their basic right to free speech and free thought. Goodbye Easter, goodbye Christmas, goodbye Ramadan, goodbye Hannakuh...

Wait a minute!

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Tax Man Cometh


Hope you've got your taxes done. Today's the day. If you don't have it done, even though the Constitution says you don't have to pay taxes, you'll get thrown in jail to serve as an example to the rest of us. We wouldn't want our able Congresscritters losing their paychecks, now would we? This ain't a land of laws, it's a land of guns, and if you don't do what the guys with the guns tell you, regardless of whether it's the law, you're the one who gets in trouble. So be sure to get your annual tithe in and hope the people you're paying to do their jobs will actually do them this year.

As you were.


Monday, April 11, 2011

Easy Computer Basics


In my browsing the internet, I came across this little gem. For those of you who love to complain that you barely even know how to turn your computer on, this guidebook has the basics of how to use Windows 7. It looks like they've published the whole book, and it covers a lot of basic topics in plain language. Check it out!

Easy Computer Basics for Windows 7.

There could be a test.


Stuff that's way cooler than sliced bread:
Loud TV commercials to be CALMed
Did you vote?
Trucks trucks everywhere! Part 1


Saturday, April 9, 2011

Gas Thieves


Outrageous! Gas prices continue to skyrocket, with nothing but more bad news in sight.

When you go to the gas station, chances are you've seen a sign there warning you that gas thieves will be prosecuted and have their driver's license revoked. (Not that it's possible any more to pump gas without paying for it first.)

Back in 1995, I worked as a cashier at a gas station/truck stop. (This one, in fact.) I usually worked on truck side, but there were a couple nights I was on gas side. I remember one night, someone came in, got on one of the non-prepay pumps, gassed up, and drove off as fast as he could. It really ticked me off, and not just because I got in trouble for it.

But today, when the gasoline cartels have a stranglehold on our economy, I'd bet most of you get absolutely livid, because THIS is gas thievery.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Put the Cat Down


A branch of my family just lost their cat. Seems she was getting old and it was time to put her to sleep.

Hidey, as she was known, because she liked to hide when she was a kitten, was a very nice cat. Big and fluffy and fat, and very happy to let you pet her all day long if you wanted. She didn't know how to not purr.

But as she got older, she started showing signs that she hurt too much, and they didn't want her to suffer, so they took her to the vet and stayed with her until the purring stopped.

Now she's in kitty heaven.

Most people don't want an animal to suffer needlessly, and so when there's not much hope of relieving that pain, when the animal's life is obviously at an end, most people have no qualms about putting that animal to sleep. But for some reason, when a loved one wants to die with dignity, their family often becomes selfish and won't let them go. Why is it that sometimes ending suffering is justified and sometimes it's not?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

To Your Health - Part 5


Chocolate Bar Variety Pack - 30 ctI hadn't expected to write a fifth part to this series, but with the recent developments, I think it's a good idea, and I feel like I have to share the good news: Over the past two weeks, I lost eight (8!) pounds by eating all the junk food I wanted!

Okay, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking my calendar broke and I still think it's April 1st and you're still upset that isn't actually the official website of Florida (yet). I couldn't possibly have feasted on chocolate and Doritos for the past week, could I have?

After you've petitioned Bill Nelson and Marco Rubio on my behalf, check this out:

Friday, April 1, 2011

We are the Official Website of Florida!


Good news! In a press conference this coming Monday, Florida Senators Bill Nelson and Marco Rubio will announce in a bilateral agreement that we,, are the official website of Florida!!! OMG! Senator Nelson just called me up this morning to give me the good news and I had to tell you all about it right away! After I gushed for a while, I asked him why we were receiving such an honor, and guess what he said?

Go ahead, guess!

You're Wondering what this Place is all About

Ever have one of those days? Ever felt like mouthing off to the world? What would it be like if Andy Rooney, Dennis Miller, and an angry teenager shared a brain? Let's find out. We're the scissors you shouldn't run with, the matches you shouldn't play with, and the dog you shouldn't tease.

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