Monday, January 10, 2011

Do Bald Men Have More Sex Drive?

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A friend of mine who is, for some reason, self-conscious about his baldness, sent me this link, which I think is kinda interesting, especially since I've been short on hair for quite some time. My solution has been to cut it really short - even shorter than I kept it in the Navy. That way, I look a little more like Jason Statham and a little less like William Conrad.

Of course, I'm wondering what exactly "more sex drive" is supposed to mean in real-world terms. Should I be banging everything that moves? Eight or more times a day? Maybe I should give that a try. I'm sure that's what Bruce Willis does.

And if you're self-conscious about your looks, whether you're a guy or a gal, whether you're bald or hairy, whether you're thin or fat, I've got some advice you might want to take:

HA HA!

Nelson Muntz to the rescue!

Sure, I'm self-conscious about a lot of stupid things too. And I've been told that one of the best ways to get over it is to immerse yourself in derogatory comments until you realize that nothing being said has any bearing on you.

I don't mean beating yourself up. That's how a lot of us get into our situation in the first place. Rather, let people say what they want, and encourage them to be as nasty as they possibly can. Egg them on. Make a game out of it. And when they stop to take a breath, just politely use a line I was taught in the Navy when we got a beatdown: "Thank you sir, may I have another?" Or the ever-popular, "Is that the best you can do?" Or my personal favorite, "I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatver you say bounces off me and sticks on you." Especially when said in a nasal, bratty voice.

There isn't much that a little light-hearted sarcasm can't cure. (Note: If it's not making you giggle delightedly with how clever you are, it's probably not light-hearted.) If you learn to make fun of your insecurities, guess what? They go away! If someone can't insult you, no matter how hard they try, guess what? You're not self-conscious any more! I'm sure you can recall putting this in action when you were younger and less insecure. Someone called you a name you didn't like and you got mad, which only made them do it more, until finally you embraced it and it stopped bothering you, at which point they stopped calling you that. (For me it was "Lurch", the super-tall, super-prompt butler on the original Addams Family TV show.)

True, some people don't have the guts to face their fears, and some choose to take all insults personally, as if they really did have some bearing on their life, but that doesn't describe you, does it? You're more mature than that, right? People can call you bald and fat and big nose and say you're a lousy dancer and call you Lurch, but why should you care?

You shouldn't. And you shouldn't let any of those things stop you from having a good time and being yourself.
















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Further reading which has permission to change your life:
My high-scores are Better than Yours
Hey baby, what's your sign? (Updated!)
To Your Health - Part 1

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1 comment:

  1. Hey! I think I know that guy. ;) Great article! I've actually tried that advice lately, and it works perfectly. Larry David constantly make jokes about his baldness, so why shouldn't I? And if someone tells me "Hey, you're getting bald!" I'll just say: "Why don't you tell me something I didn't already know."

    /T-bone

    ReplyDelete

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