Sunday, August 1, 2010

Arizona you evil state you


I got something in email a little bit ago, and I thought I'd share it with you, and then my redneck stance on the whole thing.

The owner of the Phoenix Suns basketball team, Robert Sarver, opposes AZ's new immigration laws. Arizona's Governor, Jan Brewer, released the following statement in response to Sarver's criticism of the new law:

"What if the owners of the Suns discovered that hordes of people were sneaking into games without paying? What if they had a good idea who the gate-crashers are, but the ushers and security personnel were not allowed to ask these folks to produce their ticket stubs, thus non-paying attendees couldn't be ejected. Furthermore, what if Suns' ownership was expected to provide those who sneaked in with complimentary eats and drink? And what if, on those days when a gate-crasher became ill or injured, the Suns had to provide free medical care and shelter?" -Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer


I don't know if the above actually happened, but if it did, I'm going to paraphrase Dan Aykroyd for a moment... "Jan, you ignorant slut."

The Suns, just like every other professional sports team, is a BUSINESS worth MILLIONS if not BILLIONS of dollars a year. They have to pay for stadiums and licenses and all kinds of government- and fan-mandated crap and they only charge a few hundred dollars for an admission ticket. ANYONE can come to a Suns game if they  pay such a meager fee. Even people who live in homeless shelters can afford that. The eminently reasonable price of a single item of Suns memorabilia barely covers the cost of the annual wages of the Chinese sweat shop that made it. The Suns employs LOTS of people and therefore should NOT be asked to pay taxes, nor should it make any sense for someone to attend or tape or talk about a game illegally.

You have to think GLOBALLY, Jan. We, the United States, have all this stuff that our forefathers just TOOK from weaker people who by definition didn't deserve to keep what they couldn't hold on to. Who are we to complain when the same logic is applied to us? Thanks to the proud work of our Congress and our recent presidencies - how on Earth each one can be even worse than the previous one, I don't know unless someone issued God a challenge - we are too weak to defend our lands and heritage and jobs any longer, and so we must go.

It's so much easier, Jan, to just roll over and allow the world to rape us. Any woman who's gone through that will agree, right? That's why enrollments in women's self-defense courses are so insignificant, isn't it? It's why we don't even bother to carry guns any more, right? It's easier to just roll over and wait until the crime is concluded and hope we survive mostly intact. It's not like the Police are REQUIRED to protect us, because we're not allowed to take the law into our own hands, right? Maybe our new owners will be kinder to us than we've been to ourselves. Maybe they'll round up all us whiteys and put us in concentration camps, and then we too will be able to enjoy the revelry that Mao's enemies enjoyed.

Look at your hypocrisy, Jan. Mexico would never treat an American this way. Mexico doesn't do ID checks. Mexico doesn't defend its borders. Mexico doesn't imprison people for sneaking into their country. (And not because no one would want to - there are plenty of people fleeing justice into Mexico every day - proving Mexico is so much more progressive than we are.) Mexico would never allow a prisoner to starve, or dehumanize one with hourly strip searches, or parade anyone around like a trophy. It's in their history, man. Mexico was built upon the Aztecs, and the Aztecs didn't do that to their slaves. They just killed them humanely en masse. Geez, you're such an idiot, Jan!

I for one look forward to our new Mexican and Cuban and Arabian masters who are working so hard to corrupt us from the inside. Yes, thank you, El Presidente, for showing us how the world is to be run. I look forward to surrendering my right to free speech that thousands of men fought and died for, and thereafter being unable to call you on your bullshit. It will be an honor to die on one of your sacrificial altars for the ascendancy of Quetzalcoatl.

The point, Jan, is that we Americans do not have the right or responsibility to defend ourselves in any way, shape, or form. Only other countries are allowed to do that because they're not as rich as we are and God doesn't have a plan for them. We must instead always trust that God will deliver us, and if it's His plan that we should be overrun and sacrifice 12 of our number daily to be murdered by illegal aliens, then that's just the way it's gotta be. Sitting on our hands and letting God take all responsibility has worked wonders for millions of welfare recipients and almost-famous actresses alike. Me, I'm counting on God sending the French to come save us from our weaker neighbors, like we saved them from those poor, scared, starving Germans who accidentally blundered across the Rhine one day. The French would never dishonor themselves by abandoning us.


Expose Yourself #1 – Smilin’ Bill
Not Currently Accepting Applications for Stalker
Imagining the Tenth Dimension


  1. Bravo! You've hit the nail on the he... er, taco.
    If Ms JB didn't retaliate with those words, somebody ought to soon. I wouldn't want to duplicate it, but if it's not real, let me know at and I'll write something to that effect myself to Herr Sarver.

  2. Jaycee, you're a nut! Great piece of writing. You definitely need a larger audience...


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