Monday, July 16, 2012

I Deserve a Break Today

Dear McDonald's,

I have loved eating your food for as long as I can remember. My dad worked for you when he was a kid and I did as well. We both have good memories from those times and are glad for the experience. Plus, I find it very flattering that the Double Quarter Pounder was created in homage to the Bigger Mac I invented during my tenure, but it would be nice to get a royalty check or at least a credit on the website which I can use to impress my friends.

Several years ago, you began to show signs that you no longer wanted my business by raising prices to the point where I could no longer have a meal for under $5. But then you introduced the Extra Value Meal and made it possible for me to continue our love affair. And then a few years later, you again raised prices to discourage my patronage. But then you introduced the Dollar Menu, and put the Double Cheeseburger, Small Fries, and Small Drink on it, and induced me to continue spending money. But you continued to raise prices, to the point where you even stole a slice of cheese from my sandwich and rebranded the result as a McDouble, but you also raised the prices of drinks and fries too ridiculously high for such a small serving.

The most recent blow has been that you've started charging for water. No, not the bottled water, which any idiot or desperately thirsty person will pay $1-$2 for, but regular tap water. I also have been finding it harder to find the McDouble for $1, and it's nearly impossible to find a Small Fries for $1. The Any Size Drink for $1 was a nice idea, but I no longer drink pop, thanks in part to you.

Personally, I think it's a crime to charge for something which costs you nothing, but I do realize that everything is worth what someone will pay for it. That works both ways, though. It means that after nearly 40 years of patronage, if I cannot find a reasonable price for any of your products, I must say a tearful goodbye.

But, you clever bastards, you went and made internet free. Even in California (or at least in the one store I went to out there a few weeks ago). Considering that providing internet service costs almost nothing, but creates a desire for internet addicts to sit in your store, get hungry as they surf, and buy something out of a false sense of obligation, I don't understand why more places don't offer it. I am shocked and amazed that the major truckstop companies continue to charge for a service which most people can get for free (often IN the truckstop itself!), but then I'm also amazed they can keep a straight face when they offer a "sale" on something by charging 50% - 100% more than what you'd pay if you just went to Walmart (which often has room for trucks to park). And since I like internet so much, because it lets me swap out emails in about 30 seconds, I find myself coming back into the store and occasionally buying something, despite your expressed wishes against doing business with people who prefer to get value for their hard-earned money.

I gave up my favorite Quarter Pounders because you priced me out of them. I gave up Fries because you priced me out of them. I have no problem giving up the bastardized McDoubles if you price me out of them too. Your free internet ploy may have gotten me to hesitate in severing all contact with you, but it will not obligate me to overpay for things which ruin my diet anyway.

PLEASE reconsider your position.

PS: Is anyone falling for that Daily Double monstrosity? Paying an extra dollar for lettuce on their Double Cheeseburger (or is it a McDouble)? I know there are a lot of suckers out there, but that's got to be pressing your luck big time.

1 comment:

  1. Ever since posting this, I have been in McDonald's a few times and dared to ask for some water, and I don't think I've had to pay extra for it.

    They're apparently not going to give me credit for the double quarter pounder, and I guess they're not going to give me credit for pointing out how bad of an idea it was to charge for something that even expensive restaurants don't have the gall to charge for.


    I'm not usually one to take credit for such things, but I'm going to this time. If anyone mentions that McDonald's no longer charges for water, I'm gonna say, "You're welcome."


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