Monday, October 24, 2011

Selling Ice to Eskimos

from: Daytona Beach, FL, USA

Eskimos live in cold places. They have plenty of ice sitting around, and they can make more any time they want it. Wouldn't it be great, though, if we could sell them our ice? We can carve it out of the same places they get theirs, and then convince them that our ice is better than their ice so they'll buy it from us. The only problem I foresee is that they'll only be able to pay us in fish, and I don't think Walmart takes fish as a payment option for giant-screen TVs, though I could be wrong. Even if they do, I'm not sure what the exchange rate is.

But maybe we can do something equally preposterous. Maybe we can sell water to people who are already paying for a residential water system. We'll bottle it up and sell it for ridiculous prices.

Maybe you're wondering why people would buy our water when it would be so much cheaper and easier for them to simply drink water out of their faucet like they used to do even 10 years ago, or, if they don't like the impurities, why they don't buy a water filter and a reusable container, like a glass or a water bottle.


We'll claim it's healthier or tastes better or something. We'll pretend there are advantages to drinking our water. We'll con some celebrity into liking us, and then get them to endorse us to their celebrity friends and all their fans. It's not hard at all, if we simply do it the way the inventors of Scientology did.

We'll use all the same marketing techniques that the soft drink makers use. Essentially we'll equate it in the minds of people to BE soft drinks, except healthier AND cheaper. We'll avoid all comparisons to tap water, because we can't possibly compete with free. The RIAA and MPAA have sued thousands of their own customers for billions of dollars to prove it, so I'm pretty sure it's true. It explains why Windows can dominate the market when they charge hundreds of dollars when Linux is free and no one's ever heard of it. Nope, we're not going to compete with free tap water, so get that unproductive idea out of your head.

By putting ourselves against soft drinks, and being a healthier and cheaper alternative, we can't lose. Before you know it, all those landfills will be full of OUR bottles instead of Coke and Pepsi's bottles.

Where to get this magical water? Why from the same place everyone already gets their water! It's the ultimate irony, selling someone something they're already paying someone else for! We'll filter out the smells and colors, of course, since we say we've got pure water in our bottles, but nothing special; just enough to get the job done so we don't have any complainers saying we're not what we say we are.

With the proper marketing slant, we'll usurp the soft drink empires. It will take some time for this con to take hold, but once it does, the profits will be astronomical!

So, anyone want to invest in a sure thing?


No comments:

Post a Comment

Have your say-
Did you know you can leave a comment without having a Google account? Just click where it asks for one and select a different option!

You're Wondering what this Place is all About

Ever have one of those days? Ever felt like mouthing off to the world? What would it be like if Andy Rooney, Dennis Miller, and an angry teenager shared a brain? Let's find out. We're the scissors you shouldn't run with, the matches you shouldn't play with, and the dog you shouldn't tease.

Do us a Small Favor, Please:

If you like what you see here and you want to be sure you get the most out of it, here are some things you can do to make sure you don't miss out on anything, and help others make sure they don't miss out on anything either.

1. Join the site with Google Friend Connect. It's on the left side, where our other awesome Members are.
2. Add and our new Facebook page to all your forum and email signatures and tell your friends to Follow us on Twitter:
3. Link us from your websites too!
4. Leave comments, vote, and be a good neighbor to the other guests here.
5. Never be afraid to be the decent person you really are.

Terms of Use - legally binding; sadly necessary

Some of the commentary on this site is intended as sarcasm and parody of Jaycee Adams and the Mopjockey / More in Sanity team, their lives, the people they know or know of, life in general, and other subjects that cross their minds. It represents OPINION, and not all of it is flattering. Most is not meant to be taken as fact. Accessing this site or its content in any way, or even being aware of its existence, constitutes your acknowledgement of this. You hereby agree to hold Jaycee Adams,, and anyone in any way associated with them completely and utterly non-responsible for anything, ever.

Anyone claiming to BE or REPRESENT someone "famous" who does not also provide sufficient proof of this is understood to be requesting belittlement. You will be ridiculed twice as much if posting as "Anonymous," and even more if you make threats and false accusations. If you've taken great pains to hide yourself from the internet and can't prove who you are, please get someone to vouch for you, being sure they agree that YOU caused all problems, not us.

Anyone so immature as to take offense or umbrage at anything on this site must apologize publicly for making this disclaimer necessary before leaving, never to return, and never harassing anyone associated with this site in any way ever again.

Lastly, you agree that though you might not agree with everything Jaycee Adams has to say, you will defend to your last breath his right to say it, the same as HE HAS DONE FOR YOU.

This agreement is binding in perpetuity in all temporal directions, binding whether you understand it or not, and binding whether you're allowed to make such agreements or not, so help you God/Allah/Yaweh/Source.