In my travels about the Earth, I have uncovered various truths. It seems there are a lot of people out there who aren’t aware that they don’t know how to drive, or that they don’t know the value of a dollar, or various other Earth-shattering problems. To help regular folks find out if they know this or not, I created some questionnaires so my friends and fans could find out if they are afflicted with these dangerous or inconvenient problems. We’re all often blind to our own problems, right? So take these tests to find out yours.
You Might not Know the Value of a Dollar
I have to wonder if I’m the only person who has ever had to struggle with money, as in, not having a lot of it. I was born in the lower middle class, I’ve had to ask my mom not to buy me Christmas presents so she could pay the heating bill, and my sister says I can get 15 cents out of a dime. If you have any reason to believe that you don’t know the value of a dollar, please take this test and keep track of the YES answers. Scores will be tabulated at the end.
This one is a bit more difficult to do, because inflation drives prices up constantly. Frex, I haven’t paid more than $6 for a 24-pack of pop EVER, nor will I pay more than about $1 for a regular Arby sandwich. I also frequently shop for computer components at Newegg because of their excellent service and they usually have the lowest price. I shop at Walmart for their low prices, and their lack of price-increasing, privacy-invading “discount” cards too. But because people are willing to pay ever-higher prices for things, they continue to rise, and stores that overcharge continue to do business, and so it’s impossible to say “If you pay more than $6 for a 24-pack of pop, you might not know the value of a dollar” because in a few years, that price may be impossible to find. I’ve been paying that (or less) for most of my life, and if it becomes impossible to do so, then I’ll simply do without. So few people are willing to do without unimportant things, though.
So instead of saying how ridiculous you have to be to pay $2 for a candy bar, I have to be more general.
1. Do you frequently shop at the convenience store?
2. Do you ever buy refreshments while at the movie theater?
3. Have you ever bought anything, especially food, at an interstate rest area vending machine, or a toll road service area?
4. Do you hate coupons or sales?
5. Are you usually the first to own some cool new thing, like a spiffy new game, game machine, computer component, music CD, car, or some other thing that will have its price cut in half next month but you’re too anxious to own it right now?
6. Have you ever used a “buy one get one free” coupon to buy a 69 cent hamburger when you could have instead used it to buy a 5 dollar double quarter pounder with cheese?
7. Have you ever been named customer of the year?
8. Do you buy your gasoline at the expensive stations when the station across the street is selling the exact same gasoline for 20 cents less per gallon?
9. Do you shop at supermarkets that have “discount cards”?
10. Are you unaware that even WITH that discount card, you could probably still get a better price somewhere else?
11. Do you shop at the mall a lot, when there are discount outlets nearby you could go to instead?
12. Are you afraid to buy things over the internet?
13. Do you play the lottery regularly?
0 Excellent! You probably know the value of a dollar.
1-2 You’re not very savvy with your cash.
3+ Please hire me to do your shopping for you. I’ll get you the exact same stuff, you’ll pay the exact same price, and I’ll keep the savings. I’ll make millions in just a few days!