Saturday, September 19, 2009

You Might not Know how to Write in the English Language


Things you Might not Know

In my travels about the Earth, I have uncovered various truths. It seems there are a lot of people out there who aren’t aware that they don’t know how to drive, or that they don’t know the value of a dollar, or various other Earth-shattering problems. To help regular folks find out if they know this or not, I created some questionnaires so my friends and fans could find out if they are afflicted with these dangerous or inconvenient problems. We’re all often blind to our own problems, right? So take these tests to find out yours.

You Might not Know how to Write in the English Language

1. Have you ever used “should of”, “could of”, or “would of” when you meant “should’ve”, “could’ve”, or “would’ve”? (Double points for this question.)
2. Do you refuse to use any sort of punctuation, so that your readers have to guess where sentences begin and end?
3. Are you a stranger to lower case letters?
4. Are you a stranger to upper case letters?
5. Do you use apostrophes to denote all your plurals?
6. Do you shun the use of the ENTER key, or perhaps use it for just about every sentence?
7. Have you ever used “quote marks” to denote emphasis, rather than underlining, bolding, or italicizing?
8. Are you unaware that when used in that way, quote marks are being interpreted as Yarights? As in, “No” dumping gets read as “yeah, right, go ahead and dump”.
9. Do you despair that handwritten signs don’t come with spell-checkers?
10. Have you ever misspelled “school” when painting it on a road?
11. Do you not know the difference between your, you’re, and yore?
12. How about to, too, and two?
13. Or accept and except?
14. Or they’re, there, and their?
15. Perhaps affect and effect confuse you?
16. Are you frequently accused of being dyslexic, while ACTUAL dyslexics go unnoticed?
17. Have you ever used the word “literally” as an exclamation rather than to denote that something you were saying actually happened and was not just a clever turn of phrase?
18. Would your English teacher cry if she knew how many times you answered yes to these questions?

0             Excellent! You probably know how to write in English.
1-2         Please ask your English teacher to smack you upside the head and then teach you what you slept through the first time.
3+          Please refrain from all written communication without a paid transcriptionist assisting you.

Here's a few language tools to help you out.

1 comment:

Have your say-
Did you know you can leave a comment without having a Google account? Just click where it asks for one and select a different option!

You're Wondering what this Place is all About

Ever have one of those days? Ever felt like mouthing off to the world? What would it be like if Andy Rooney, Dennis Miller, and an angry teenager shared a brain? Let's find out. We're the scissors you shouldn't run with, the matches you shouldn't play with, and the dog you shouldn't tease.

Do us a Small Favor, Please:

If you like what you see here and you want to be sure you get the most out of it, here are some things you can do to make sure you don't miss out on anything, and help others make sure they don't miss out on anything either.

1. Join the site with Google Friend Connect. It's on the left side, where our other awesome Members are.
2. Add and our new Facebook page to all your forum and email signatures and tell your friends to Follow us on Twitter:
3. Link us from your websites too!
4. Leave comments, vote, and be a good neighbor to the other guests here.
5. Never be afraid to be the decent person you really are.

Terms of Use - legally binding; sadly necessary

Some of the commentary on this site is intended as sarcasm and parody of Jaycee Adams and the Mopjockey / More in Sanity team, their lives, the people they know or know of, life in general, and other subjects that cross their minds. It represents OPINION, and not all of it is flattering. Most is not meant to be taken as fact. Accessing this site or its content in any way, or even being aware of its existence, constitutes your acknowledgement of this. You hereby agree to hold Jaycee Adams,, and anyone in any way associated with them completely and utterly non-responsible for anything, ever.

Anyone claiming to BE or REPRESENT someone "famous" who does not also provide sufficient proof of this is understood to be requesting belittlement. You will be ridiculed twice as much if posting as "Anonymous," and even more if you make threats and false accusations. If you've taken great pains to hide yourself from the internet and can't prove who you are, please get someone to vouch for you, being sure they agree that YOU caused all problems, not us.

Anyone so immature as to take offense or umbrage at anything on this site must apologize publicly for making this disclaimer necessary before leaving, never to return, and never harassing anyone associated with this site in any way ever again.

Lastly, you agree that though you might not agree with everything Jaycee Adams has to say, you will defend to your last breath his right to say it, the same as HE HAS DONE FOR YOU.

This agreement is binding in perpetuity in all temporal directions, binding whether you understand it or not, and binding whether you're allowed to make such agreements or not, so help you God/Allah/Yaweh/Source.