Saturday, January 28, 2012

You Didn't Exist Five Minutes Ago

.

I just thought you might like to know that I created the entire universe about five minutes ago. (Six, considering how long it took you to read to this point.) "Yeah right," you say. See? I made you say that. "What about all my memories?" you ask. Simple: they're not real. I made them up. I created all kinds of little things for you all to discover, such as rings in trees indicating their age, sedimentary layers in the Earth indicating its age, and I even gave you all belly buttons, even though none of you were born. Why? Because that's the world you expect to find.

Why am I telling you this? Because a select few of you - those who are reading this now, in fact - are special beyond measure. I put within you a compulsion to come here right now so you would know the truth about the world in which you live.

Why would I go through the trouble of creating an entire universe and then take no care to ensure my own place at the very top? Who's to say I haven't? But I would like for the rest of the world to think so, and it is not for you or them to question that. Just accept it, and commence to accomplish the secret mission which I have assigned to you. You will find it hiding in your subconscious, not far from where I put the compulsion to come here 8 minutes ago.

I suppose you may wish to see proof I accomplished this feat. I'll provide it, but only as reward if you can prove I didn't do it. Remember, I made everything, including your memories. You have not actually done anything you remember doing; it's all an implanted memory to give you the illusion of free will.

Be good, convert the masses, and praise me once in a while, huh? I'll be watching.

.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Why don't they just Occupy Washington?

from: Daytona Beach, FL, USA
.

By now you're aware that I'm the mastermind behind the Occupy Movement. I've agitated for years about unfairness and hypocrisy, especially when it comes from the people who are supposed to be running the country, until finally someone even braver than myself decided to go Occupy Wall Street and brought all his newly homeless friends with him. The movement spread all over the country, to every major city, until today we have people who are tired of the protests whining, "Why don't they just go Occupy Washington DC? Why does it have to be all over the country?"

This, of course, shows a frightening unwillingness to think without the TV news providing their opinion for them (followed up by denial of such).

Why don't the millions of Americans who are fed up with money polluting politics and the growing boldness with which the country is raped just go march on Washington DC? Simple, really.


Friday, January 6, 2012

Mandatory Driver Education

.

As a friend drove me somewhere the other day, I noticed that she didn't know how to drive properly. This person used to be an accident investigator for the US Postal Service; she knew just about everything there was to know about trucks without having driven one, and yet, she was driving very discourteously around them as well as other cars. I was surprised to see her blocking up traffic, riding bumpers, riding catacorner to people in their blind spots at highway speeds (what I call "clipping"), and using an inconsistent speed which meant she got in everyone's way.

Of course, she's hardly the only offender. I constantly see people driving like they're idiots, getting in my way, and otherwise flirting with disaster. Thank God I'm a better driver than almost anyone! I have evaded being in several accidents in the past 20-some years since I've had a license, and so I thought I'd offer a few driving tips so you can learn them and then lord them over your buddies the way kids nag their parents to wear their seatbelts.

After I castigated her, I wrote these 8 Simple Rules for Driving on my Road:

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fearmongering Scientists

.

You know how, later this year, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012? Today between 11:00 and 12:00 I heard Astronomer Phil Plait on WHYY internet radio trying to convince us all that it's just not true.

First, he used flimsy arguments to dismiss the arrival of the planet Nibiru, AKA Planet X, which will collide with Earth on that fateful day. According to Dr. Plait, any planet bound by the Sun's gravity (he doesn't explicitly say this, but it's what he meant) which was going to collide with Earth within the next year would be near the orbit of Mars and because of its size (4 times that of Earth) it would be brighter in the sky than Jupiter, which at the moment is easily visible near the moon as a very bright star. He further asserts that such a massive object would have disrupted the orbits of Earth, Mars, and other planets by now with its gravity, something which he says isn't happening.

However, Plait plainly has no idea what he's talking about!

Hello? Reality calling Dr. Phil? Aren't you forgetting something rather important?


You're Wondering what this Place is all About

Ever have one of those days? Ever felt like mouthing off to the world? What would it be like if Andy Rooney, Dennis Miller, and an angry teenager shared a brain? Let's find out. We're the scissors you shouldn't run with, the matches you shouldn't play with, and the dog you shouldn't tease.

Do us a Small Favor, Please:

If you like what you see here and you want to be sure you get the most out of it, here are some things you can do to make sure you don't miss out on anything, and help others make sure they don't miss out on anything either.

1. Join the site with Google Friend Connect. It's on the left side, where our other awesome Members are.
2. Add http://www.mopjockey.com/ and our new Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/moreinsanity to all your forum and email signatures and tell your friends to Follow us on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JayceeAdams.
3. Link us from your websites too!
4. Leave comments, vote, and be a good neighbor to the other guests here.
5. Never be afraid to be the decent person you really are.

Terms of Use - legally binding; sadly necessary

Some of the commentary on this site is intended as sarcasm and parody of Jaycee Adams and the Mopjockey / More in Sanity team, their lives, the people they know or know of, life in general, and other subjects that cross their minds. It represents OPINION, and not all of it is flattering. Most is not meant to be taken as fact. Accessing this site or its content in any way, or even being aware of its existence, constitutes your acknowledgement of this. You hereby agree to hold Jaycee Adams, Mopjockey.com, and anyone in any way associated with them completely and utterly non-responsible for anything, ever.

Anyone claiming to BE or REPRESENT someone "famous" who does not also provide sufficient proof of this is understood to be requesting belittlement. You will be ridiculed twice as much if posting as "Anonymous," and even more if you make threats and false accusations. If you've taken great pains to hide yourself from the internet and can't prove who you are, please get someone to vouch for you, being sure they agree that YOU caused all problems, not us.

Anyone so immature as to take offense or umbrage at anything on this site must apologize publicly for making this disclaimer necessary before leaving, never to return, and never harassing anyone associated with this site in any way ever again.

Lastly, you agree that though you might not agree with everything Jaycee Adams has to say, you will defend to your last breath his right to say it, the same as HE HAS DONE FOR YOU.

This agreement is binding in perpetuity in all temporal directions, binding whether you understand it or not, and binding whether you're allowed to make such agreements or not, so help you God/Allah/Yaweh/Source.